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  • [it started in Junior's room where he's watching Doofy the Dragon]
  • Junior: I can't miss Doofy the Dragon! It's my favorite show ever! Oh my God! I can't wait for it to come on! I can't wait for it to come on!
  • Announcer: Alrighty kids! It's time for?
  • Kids: Doofy the Dragon!
  • Doofy the Dragon: (in the bathroom) Hey kids! I'm Doofy the Dragon! And today is my birthday! And I am going to turn myself into a human birthday candle! Also, the IRS hates me, because they're trying to come after me for tax evasion! Kids, go and ask your parents what that means! So, let's get this show on the road! (gets gasoline and smears it all on his mouth) Oh! That's the stuff! Get some on my back! Oh yeah! (puts gasoline down on the bathtub) Jesus! Now I'm gonna light a match! (lights a match) Aw yes! Time to get this show on the road! (drops the match on himself, engulfing up in flames) Ah! Help kids! I'm dying!
  • Junior: (laughs) That's so funny, Doofy! Oh man, that looks really cool! I wonder if we have any matches that I can play with! I'm gonna go ask Chef Pee Pee!
  • Chef Pee Pee: (groans while putting down the pot) Now it's time to make this stupid Mac and Cheese for Junior.
  • Junior: (comes in) Chef Pee Pee! Chef Pee Pee!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Junior! What do you want? I'm trying to make your Mac and Cheese!
  • Junior: Well, that's going to be really yummy!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Yep, I'm a chef!
  • Junior: But, uh, do we have any matches?
  • Chef Pee Pee: Uh, yeah, it's right over... (points to the matches) wait, why do you need the matches?
  • Junior: Well, I was watching Doofy the Dragon, and he was playing with the matches--
  • Chef Pee Pee: No no I'm gonna stop you right there! Playing with the matches is stupid! So this idea is gonna come out of your stupid brain, I'm just gonna shut it down now. No!
  • Junior: But, but Chef Pee Pee, Doofy made a fire and a fire looks really cool!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Well making fire doesn't necessarily mean that it's fun, and it's safe!
  • Junior: But I wanna make the birthday cake with the fire, and it's really, it looks very cool!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Where's the cake? You wanna make the birthday cake? Where's the cake? I don't see any cakes.
  • Junior: I wanted to make the birthday cake, without the cake, with the candles because fire.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Ugh... ugh, you're so stupid, you know what? (grabs the candle jar and the matches) I'll light it for you, okay? Here's your stupid candle, and here's your matches!
  • Junior: Oh cool, okay I mean, how do you light it?
  • Chef Pee Pee: Just like this, I'ma light it for you, okay? (lights the candle)
  • Junior: Okay, okay Chef Pee Pee.
  • Chef Pee Pee: (blows out the fire) Ah...
  • Junior: Whoa, that looks really cool Chef Pee Pee!
  • Chef Pee Pee: I almost burn myself for a second! Here's your stupid candle!
  • Junior: Wow, it looks so beautiful, unlike you Chef Pee Pee!
  • Chef Pee Pee: What?
  • Junior: Oh man.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Smells like apples though. It looks very nice.
  • Junior: Yeah, this is very cool, will it burn me?
  • Chef Pee Pee: Probably, 'cuz it's a fire.
  • Junior: Oh man, I could look at this all day! Can I take it to my room?
  • Chef Pee Pee: I guess so, just have a blast! As long as you're not in the kitchen!
  • Junior: Alright, thank you Chef Pee Pee!
  • Chef Pee Pee: What the worst can happen? (scene cuts to Junior's room with the lighted candle)
  • Junior: Oh man, this candle looks so cool. It's so beautiful. (he reaches to touch the fire) Ow ow ow, that's hot! Ihat's really hot! Oh man, I-I love this candle! (scene cuts to the kitchen where Chef Pee Pee tries to open the box of Macaroni)
  • Chef Pee Pee: Come on, macaroni! (still tries to open. The box open and the macaroni is spilled all over the kitchen) Aw, damn it! (groans) Stupid ass macaroni! (Bowser comes in)
  • Bowser: (groans) Chef Pee Pee, I think I got a demon in my stomach, but... wait. What the hell is this mess?!
  • Chef Pee Pee: This mess? Uh... Junior's fault! And what do you mean about a demon in your stomach?
  • Bowser: I don't know. I just keep hearing voices, and voices, telling me, I want McDonald's! So you should take me to McDonald's, so I can get like a good happy meal or something. Maybe a Big Mac!
  • Chef Pee Pee: A Big Mac?! Come on Bowser, you know you don't need that! Come on look, you're not the most skinniest person or a fit person in the world. (laughs)
  • Bowser: (gasps and hits Chef Pee Pee) Shut up, Chef Pee Pee! You never make fun of a woman's weight! Just take me to McDonald's so I can get my food! Ugh... idiot! (drags Chef Pee Pee to the front door) Okay, go go go!
  • Chef Pee Pee: I'm going Bowser. Damn!
  • Bowser: Wait wait, Junior might want something, let me go and ask him. (cuts to Junior's room where he was still staring at the candle. Bowser is off-screen) Junior, do you want anything from McDonald's?
  • Junior: Something from McDonald's? Yes I do! (he leaves his room, and the candle is left unattended. Cuts to the McDonald's drive-thru)
  • Chef Pee Pee: (sighs) Alright guys, we're at McDonald's. Now let's make this order simple, 'cuz I do not want to look like a fool. Okay?
  • Bowser: Shut up Chef Pee Pee. I can order myself. I'm a grown man!
  • Junior: That's right, dad, you're a grown man!
  • Bowser: Yep, I'm a big boy. Okay, so be quiet Junior, I'm trying to make my order!
  • Junior: Okay.
  • Bowser: Excuse me?
  • McDonald's Employee: What do you like to order?
  • Bowser: Um... hi. I would like a-a Big Mac! The biggest, Maciest, Bic Mac back there! The biggest mac of 'em all!
  • Junior: And I want a happy meal, dad!
  • Bowser: J-junior, shut the hell up before I beat the eyebrows off your ass! Okay? Ugh, I'm trying to order my own food here.
  • Junior: But I want... I want a happy meal!
  • Bowser: Stop interrupting me! Have manners.
  • Chef Pee Pee: (off-screen) Oh, nothing. I can't beileve you!
  • Junior: A chicken nugget happy meal.
  • Bowser: And a chicken nugget happy meal. And uh, what else do I want? (Chef Pee Pee pops up)
  • Chef Pee Pee: That's enough, guys! Get back!
  • Junior: But--
  • Chef Pee Pee: Uh, sorry for that.
  • Junior: THE MILKSHAKE!!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Can I have a milkshake, too please? Just a milkshake, a small milkshake?
  • McDonald's Employee: Uh, chocolate, vanilla--
  • Chef Pee Pee: You guys are such dumbasses.
  • Junior: Uh, all of 'em.
  • Chef Pee Pee: No no, just, chocolate, please? Chocolate. (turns to Junior) You're not getting all of 'em, little brat!
  • Junior: I hate chocolate!
  • Chef Pee Pee: I don't give a--
  • 'McDonald's Employee: 'You said, uh... a happy meal, the kids meal?
  • Junior: The chicken nugget one!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Yes, chicken nugget, please? (sighs) I'm sorry about this little brat. He's an asshole.
  • 'McDonald's Employee: 'Alright, do you want apple slices with that?
  • Chef Pee Pee: Um, yes. He-he needs apple slices. He's kinda fat. (Junior sputters)
  • Junior: I HATE APPLE SLICES!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Shut the hell up!!
  • Junior: I WANT MY TOY!!
  • Chef Pee Pee: No!

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