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Transcript
  • [A set of Dominos are seen lined up]
  • Chef Pee Pee: One right here... I'm gonna need some more dominos. I gotta make this super long! Okay, it's finally finished! My row of dominos and my house of cards is complete! My doctor said I needed a stress reliever, because Junior and Bowser are stressing me! Oh ho ho, and I think this is it!
  • [Scene changes to the living room. Thomas is on the table and Junior is blindfolded]
  • Junior: Alright, Thomas. Today we're gonna be playing "Blindfolded Ball in the House". Doesn't it sound fun? Okay, so the rules are: You gotta take this ball, and throw it into THAT lamp right there. Alright, so I'm gonna throw it at it. (Throws it into the air. Time is now slowed down as the ball heads to Chef Pee Pee's dominos)
  • Chef Pee Pee: (slow motion) Oh no! (Normal speed) No! Please! (Ball bounces off the cabinet and misses) Thank you, Baby Jesus!
  • Junior: Chef Pee Pee! (Sets the dominos off)
  • Chef Pee Pee: WHAT THE HELL?!!!
  • Junior: Have you seen my ball?
  • Chef Pee Pee: What is wrong with you, Junior?!
  • Junior: Wait, what?
  • Chef Pee Pee: I spent all morning stacking these stupid dominos and freaking cards! Ugh! What is wrong with you?!
  • Junior: Uh, what are you talking about? (Sets more off)
  • Chef Pee Pee: JUNIOR!!!
  • Junior: What are you doing in the bathroom, Chef Pee Pee?
  • Chef Pee Pee: Why?! Why the-- (pulls the blindfold off of Junior) We're not in the bathroom, you idiot!
  • Junior: Oh, Chef Pee Pee! You made a huge mess!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Oh, so I made the mess. That's what it-- That's what happened?
  • Junior: Where's my ball at?
  • Chef Pee Pee: I don't know. What the hell is wrong with you? What are you talking about?
  • Junior: Ooh. Did I make it into the lamp? (walks off)
  • Chef Pee Pee: Junior!
  • Junior: Ooh! Score! I got it in the lamp, Thomas!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Junior! Why? Just tell me why did you have to do that. I spent all morning stacking up those stupid dominos and damn house of cards!
  • Junior: Well, that's pretty stupid.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Look, I don't judge you. It was just a relief stress, and you just keep on causing it!
  • Junior: Well, I made the ball in the lamp, so I get 10 points.
  • Chef Pee Pee: What the hell does that mean?! Why can't you just play outside, Junior?
  • Junior: B-but, it's Thomas' turn to make it into the lamp.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Look. Why don't you just play outside? There's street lamps outside! They're super tall. You could be shooting for days.
  • Junior: Street lamps? Oh, Thomas! Come outside, we're gonna play outside! (Outside, in front of a street lamp) Whoa, now that's a big street lamp. But I forgot my blindfold, and where's Thomas?
  • Jackie Chu: Hey, dumb sh*t.
  • Junior: Hey, Jackie Chu! Is that your dog?
  • Jackie Chu: Oh no. This my dinner.
  • Junior: Y-your dinner?
  • Jackie Chu: Oh yeah. Every day, I go to pet store, and uh, pick up dog for dinner. It very expensive.
  • Junior: Oh. Well, why are you gonna eat him?
  • Jackie Chu: 'Cause he good. It's Chinese tradition.
  • Junior: Oh. (Dog barks) Can I pet him?
  • Jackie Chu: No. Affection spoils the meat. It makes it less tender.
  • Junior: Oh. Well, okay. Well, nice seeing you, Jackie Chu.
  • Jackie Chu: See you later, dumb sh*t.
  • Junior: That dog looked really cool! I want a dog! Dad!
  • [Scene changes to Bowser's room]
  • Bowser: C'mon, Magical 8 Ball! You have all the answers! Now tell me: Will I ever meet Charleyyy? (Ball reads, "Ask again later") TRY AGAIN LATER? No, I need to know it right now, dammit!
  • Junior: Dad! Dad! Dad!
  • Bowser: What do you want, Junior?
  • Junior: Well, I was outside, playing with my ball, and I saw Jackie Chu, and he had a cute dog, that he was about to eat, and it made me realize I really want a dog!
  • Bowser: Wait, why do you want a dog now? That's gonna be very expensive. I don't think we can have one in this apartment right now.
  • Junior: Because dogs are so cool, and I think every kid should have a dog, because the dog would play with me, and I'd always have someone to play with, and he would bark, and it would just be really cool!
  • Bowser: That's kinda true. Nobody really plays with you like that, so...
  • Junior: Yeah, so I need a dog.
  • Bowser: Um, look, I just spent all my money on this stupid 8 ball already. I can't spend money on a dog right now.
  • Junior: Aw, dad. I really want a dog!
  • Bowser: Junior, please. How about we just wait until Christmas. Santa'll bring you one.
  • Junior: I don't want want to wait till Christmas! I want one right now! You're the worst dad ever! (Runs off)
  • Bowser: Stupid spoiled brat. (sighs) Wait, maybe I can make a dog. Um, I got this 8 ball right here, that could work. That could be the body, and, uh... ooh. (gets the slinky) I got a slinky! That could be the tail! Yeah. Um, how am I gonna get this to work? Ooh! I could summon Craig! Yeah, he knows how to make in-animate objects come to life. Yeah! I'll do that. Uh, how am I gonna summon him? CRAIG! Where are you, Craig! Craig!
  • Craig: (appears on the opposite side) Hey there.
  • Bowser: Oh. Hey, Craig. Uh, I need you to do a favor for me, okay?
  • Craig: Uh, okay.
  • Bowser: I need you to make this 8 ball and this little slinky into a dog, okay?
  • Craig: Into a dog.
  • Bowser: Yeah.
  • Craig: You do know what a dog looks like, right?
  • Bowser: Yeah. I know what dogs look like.
  • Craig: Yeah, and fur, uh, okay. Well, uh, you DO know that whatever I make will be evil, yes?
  • Bowser: Oh, I have no issue with it. I'm not gonna watch the dog anyway.
  • Craig: PERFECT! Okay, now stand back.
  • Bowser: Okay.
  • Craig: (speaks gibberish and the ball and slinky turn into a Chain Chomp) Hmm, that is not what I had in mind at all.
  • Bowser: He looks perfect! Aw, you're so beautiful. (pets the dog)
  • Craig: Perfect?
  • Bowser: Yeah. Yeah. He looks like a REAL dog! Like a German Shepherd. (the Chain Chomp runs off) Wait! Where are you going? I need to show you to Junior!
  • Craig: You're welcome.
  • [Scene changes back to the living room]
  • Junior: Waaah! Thomas! I'm really sad! I want a dog and dad said to wait until Christmas! I don't want to wait that long! (starts crying as Chain Chomp barks) What? Hey! What are you? (Chain Chomp eats Thomas) Hey, give me back Thomas! What are you doing to Thomas?
  • Bowser: So do you like your new dog, Junior?
  • Junior: Wha-- That's not a dog, dad!
  • Bowser: What's wrong with you? He's so cute! Yeah, he IS a dog! What's wrong with you?
  • Junior: No! Dogs are furry and they have tails!
  • Bowser: Look, he has a tail. Look at the chain on the back! He's so cute!
  • Junior: But dad, no! T-that's ugly! That's not a dog!
  • Bowser: Look, I just had him summoned and everything, okay? So you're gonna play with him, and you're gonna learn the responsibilities of having a dog, okay?
  • Junior: Okay, dad.
  • Bowser: Yeah. Doing all that whining over a stupid dog.
  • Junior: Uh, can I have Thomas back? (Chain Chomp growls) Uh, I'ma reach for him. (Dog almost bites him) Ahh! Uh... Ooh, I know! I'll trade you something for Thomas! Uh, ooh! (grabs the remote) Look at this nice TV remote. You don't want the TV remote? (Dog shakes his head) Okay, uh, just stay right there.
  • [Scene changes to the kitchen where Chef Pee Pee is crying over the dominos]
  • Chef Pee Pee: Oh man! I can't believe Junior just knocked down my dominos! Now I gotta clean it up! I can't stand that brat!
  • Junior: Hey, Chef Pee Pee!
  • Chef Pee Pee: What do you want, Junior?
  • Junior: Do we have any type of meat or, uh, dog food in the kitchen?
  • Chef Pee Pee: Um, we have like roast beef in the refrigerator. But don't touch it! It's supposed to be for dinner.
  • Junior: Okay, I won't touch it. (Cuts back to the living room where the dog is chewing up pillows) Okay, dog. I got you some roast beef. HEY! Why are you chewing up the pillows? Stop! Uh, okay. Eww! You pooped on the couch! That's disgusting! Hey, you spit Thomas out. Eww, he's covered in slobber. I'm gonna go wash him off.
  • Chef Pee Pee: (Puts dishes in the sink) Now I gotta wash these.
  • Junior: Chef Pee Pee, can you turn on the sink so I can wash Thomas?
  • Chef Pee Pee: Wait, what are you washing Thomas for?
  • Junior: Well, my dog just chewed and slobbered all over him and I want to clean him off.
  • Chef Pee Pee: What are you talking about? When did you get a dog?
  • Junior: Uh, like about 2 minutes ago.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Wait, I gotta see this. Come on.
  • Junior: Yeah. (Goes to the couch) Alright, Chef Pee Pee, he's in here.
  • Chef Pee Pee: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE?!! What?! What's going on?! What happened, Junior?!!
  • Junior: Calm down, Chef Pee Pee. He just chewed on a few things.
  • Chef Pee Pee: A FEW THINGS?!!! The couch is destroyed, the lamp is tilted over, and the painting's about to come down! This is more than a few things, Junior! What the hell happened?
  • Junior: I don't know! He's just a rabid dog and it chewed on it and poops everywhere, too.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Oh my god! There's poop everywhere! Oh my god! That's disgusting!
  • Junior: Where is he?
  • Chef Pee Pee: I dunno! You tell me! (Barking is heard) Get it! (Chain Chomp is looking through the garbage)
  • Junior: This is my dog, Chef Pee Pee.
  • Chef Pee Pee: What the hell is that?
  • Junior: That's my dog.
  • Chef Pee Pee: That doesn't look like a dog, Junior! That's not what a dog looks like! That is not it!
  • Junior: Well, dad said he made it.
  • Chef Pee Pee: You can't make a dog, Junior. Are you retarded? Oh my god.
  • Junior: Well, I mean, dad said he made it.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Well, we have to capture it some way, somehow! This is weird.
  • Junior: Okay, well...
  • Chef Pee Pee: It's staring at me.
  • Junior: Well, let's try to capture him in the bathroom. Let's leave a trail of food or something, and we can capture him in the bathroom.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Okay, do you know what he eats?
  • Junior: Garbage, couches and stuff.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Okay, just get a bunch of stuff. And then we'll lure him.
  • Junior: Okay. (brings a rubber chicken) Alright, Chef Pee Pee, I found something better than food and couches. A rubber chicken.
  • Chef Pee Pee: What? A rubber chicken? W-what the hell? Why?
  • Junior: Because dogs can't resist rubber chickens. I watched it on Animal Planet. Alright, so what you're gonna do is, you're gonna squeak the toy, and I'm gonna yell "Doggy! Come get the rubber chicken!", and he's gonna run really fast, and you're gonna throw the toy in the bathroom, and we're gonna capture him in the bathroom.
  • Chef Pee Pee: You really think this is gonna work?
  • Junior: Uh, yeah. So just pick it up. (Chef Pee Pee picks up the rubber chicken) And I'm gonna call his name. Alright. Doggy! We got a rubber chicken! (the rubber chicken squeaks; the dog ran for it) Chef Pee Pee, he's coming! Throw it!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Okay, okay. (threw the rubber chicken in the bathroom)
  • [the dog bites Chef Pee Pee and screams]
  • Chef Pee Pee: Please help me, Junior!
  • Junior: Uh, I don't know what to do.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Stop, doggy! Please stop, doggy!
  • Junior: I don't know what to do.
  • [Chef Pee Pee lies on the floor]
  • Chef Pee Pee: Oh my god, it hurts. It hurts! I'm in so much pain!
  • Junior: Alright, Chef Pee Pee, I got you a mushroom. Here. Eat it. (gives Chef Pee Pee a mushroom)
  • Chef Pee Pee: Okay. What is this suppose to do?
  • Junior: When you eat it, it makes you feel better.
  • Chef Pee Pee: Okay. (eats the mushroom; the squeaking sound appears)
  • [the dog bites into a rubber chicken]
  • Junior: That stupid.... Bad dog! Get out of here! (the dog leaves) Stupid dog. You feel better now, Chef Pee Pee?
  • Chef Pee Pee: Yeah. Damn, what was in that mushroom? It taste real good, and it got me cured. Well I should be in hospitals.
  • Junior: Yeah, I don't know. Dad uses them sometimes and Mario does too. But anyway, we gotta find a way to capture that stupid dog!
  • Chef Pee Pee: Do you have an idea or something?
  • Junior: No.
  • Chef Pee Pee: I think I know. Hold on, just stay here.
  • Junior: Okay.
  • [Chef Pee Pee has a tennis ball gun]
  • Chef Pee Pee: Hahahaha. This should take care of him.
  • Junior: Whoa, Chef Pee Pee! What is this?
  • Chef Pee Pee: Oh it's the K9 Kannon, or a tennis ball shooter.
  • Junior: Oh. Wow! So, how is this gonna take care of him?
  • Chef Pee Pee: Oh, I just aim it at 'im as soon as he comes around that corner, just blast him, then he won't know what hit him. Haha.
  • Junior: Whoa, that'd be so cool. I'ma call him, okay?

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